Did you know that in China there are 33 millions more men than Women? This could be a great problem as there seem not be enough women for every man, yet there are men who are not satified with having just one wife. How can one accomodate this constellation in such a situation? Polygamy could certainly make the situation worse. How are they goin about it?

All I Know About Polygamy Is From The Media

If you did not know that in China there are 33 million more men  than Women (Radio Free Asia, 2014), then you are not alone. I did not know that myself and to many, this is a jaw breaking revelation.

My Parents are staunch catholics, had a church wedding following the catholic blueprint for christian weddings and are still living their lives as husband and wife. Till date, I do not know of any woman interfering in their marriage  in the name of a second, third or another wife.

So my entire life, I have only known my mom to be the only wife to my dad. All I know about Polygamy is from the media, yet I have grown to admire families with more than one wife to a single man, and even remembered my Mom telling my Dad to get another wife, when it was established she could not conceive.

My mom’s plan was to help raise the children my Dad was to have with the other woman. You are certainly wondering “my Mom could not conceive”, how then did I come about being their child? Well, that is another story to be told at some point too, till then, you can take a guess.

Even Men Of High Honor Have ExraRelation Relations

The issue of not being able to have children at the time they really wanted to, disturbed my parents, especially my Mom. That is why she badly needed my Dad to get another wife. My mom’s attitude certainly raises lots of questions especially about her faith as a catholic and her view of polygamy. Her rational in encouraging my Dad to get another wife may not be understandable to some women as well.

As she explained to us later,  for her,  it was very important to know the woman her husband was with, know any child they may have together, and subsequently contribute in raising the child. As she explained, she understood even married men do go out with other women, and it did not make sense to here to keep suspecting her husband or accusing him for unfounded reasons.Nevertheless, that was a hard nut for her to crack.

As you may recall, every man or woman is very faithful and only with one partner, until they are caught in a scandal. I am not by this implying you are doing the same, I did not invent this out of nothing, but as you may relate to this, it does happen. The same is true for even leading world figures, politicians and men of high honor, who are supposed to demonstrate the highest integrity. 

Just look at the current ongoing US Elections and the nasty stuff that is being dug up and exchanged. The funniest thing is that, none of these nasty scandals is contributory in any way to what the country needs to move forward. So I do not blame my mother for thinking the way she did, but respect her for her open mindedness and understanding of the challenges the society presents.

It Is Better To Know With Whom Your Partner Is

I guess some women will also relate with my mom’s thought process or reasoning. Whatever the case maybe, some of these things are inevitable and being aware of them is the only way to prepare or protect yourself. For some women, it is better for them to know with whom their husband has a dealing, than not to know. Some feel, by knowing it, they could understand certain things better and hence better relate with their husbands needs, fulfill them better and hence develop a healthier relationship. In today’s world, it looks like every husband is a saint and reliable to their wives and vice versa, until otherwise.

Well,. before I move on to share my thoughts about polygamy after my trip to china, let us establish some clarity, on what Polygamy really is.

Though Polygamy could be used in different contexts to have different meanings, the context in which it is used in this article is as it patterns to human beings.  With that in mind, Dictionary, defines polygamy as “The practice of having more than one spouse, especially wife, at one time”.

Now that we are clear on the definition, and based on the fact that China has 33 million more men than women, one will expect the reverse of polygamy (polyandry) to be happening. Polyandry:, meaning “The practice whereby one woman has multiple husbands at the same time”.

Do You Speak Chinese?

If one were to pair one woman to one man in China, it will mean that more than one man will have to find comfort in the same woman. But is that actually the case in China? If that is not the case, what will the extra 33 million men be doing without wives or female partners? Well, we know that today, people can choose to love who ever they want, we have no authority to question, yet these questions still get asked anyway.

I know this seems silly, but let me just ask you this:

why did I admire families with more than one wife to one Man? Maybe a lot of mothers to run to, or maybe just having many more siblings to grow up and work with? The reasons are many and would exceed the scope of this article if I started to go  into all of them.

But this is the deal:

You do not speak Chinese, do you?

Even if you do, let us assume that you don’t, just to ease the understanding of my point.

Ok, great, you do not speak chinese, you find yourself in one of the outskirts of Pekin and of a sudden you get very hungry, you are craving for food and must eat something within the next hour. You look around you and you can identify on some of the buildings the word Restaurant.

Do Highly Congested Restaurants Serve Better Food?

Sure you know what restaurant stands for, but the rest of the writings are in Chinese, which you can neither read nor understand. Some of the restaurants have lot of people lined up in front of the entrance, waiting to go in, some of the restaurants have just a few people, and some have actually no one. You can even see one of the restaurants with the cook standing in front of it waving a white cloth in the air in an inviting gesture.

So if you were to make a choice of what restaurant to go to, which one would you pick?

Intuitively, I guess you would choose the restaurant that has lots of people.

Why? Of Course, just the simple fact that you have lots of people lined up in front  of  a restaurant gives the impression that the food there must be good. So if many people are flooding this restaurant, you could without even tasting the food be convinced that the food there is the best and would actually be looking forward to eating the best food, isn't it?

Well, that is what I did, In lined up and waited patiently to have my one share of a good meal in a highly congested restaurant.

Some Women Tend To Fall In Love With Married Men

Now you are wondering, what all this has got to do with polygamy?

Well, it is simple. If the restaurant in which I ate had been a man, I would have certainly been considered one of the wives (Partners).

Using this restaurant analogy, men that have more than one wife seem to have increased appeal for women and some women think they are very good men. Otherwise, how would you explain the fact that some women tend to fall in love and even get married as second, third, fourth or etc wife to men who are already married?  And this does not even happen in a world where we have a shortage of men.

This by no mean imply that men who have only one wife or none at all are bad men, some just think they certainly just do not offer what the other men with many wives offer.

I think it is just a matter of choice, based on personal preferences.

I do not know what kind of a relationship is your preference, but as you choose to have only one partner, multiple partners at the same time or none, it is no one’s business to judge you and it is not my place either to judge anyone. All I will caution about is the health risks that may be associated with certain habits, which we should keep in the back of our minds at all times.

Mutual Or Reciprocal Tolerance Is Good

Everywhere that I have shared this observation and analogy, more men than women seem to resonate with it. Nevertheless, the restaurant experience is not directly extrapolatable to human relationships, as people do get to know each other before committing, but a good point for a healthy and open discussion at the coffee table.

I view polygamy as a way and choice of lifestyle, as long as those involved in it are adults with their full consent, it is none of our business to condemn or judge them. As they accept us in our monogamous relationships as our own way and choice of lifestyle, it is our responsibility to extend sme courtesy to them - that is what I call mutual or reciprocal tolerance for the good of our communities.

What do you think?